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  • Roma Kessaram

How to Heal the Pandemic of Narcissism - Is it Possible?

Updated: Jul 2



Narcissism may be the single most intractable and widespread psychological issue currently causing the suffering of all beings and the planet itself. In my professional and personal experience, I have come to understand that the fractured, disembodied and false self of narcissistic personalities is an inevitable consequence of unhealed (intergenerational) trauma and abuse that is endemic in our societies. One method or a constellation of methods which has some success with narcissistic personalities would go a long way towards healing and ending the perpetuation of our individual and collective wounds. Indeed, the multiple crises of our time may be beckoning these solutions. And yet, even the most advanced therapists and healers must tread carefully.


A brief note on the label. In my experience, even those who are not narcissists reject the label. However, as others have pointed out, the label is necessary to help victims of narcissistic abuse heal to the extent that finding resources for healing using other descriptions may not lead in the right direction. However, we might also start using the terms toxic insecurity or toxic vulnerability which perhaps more helpfully address a few of the myriad underlying root issues which lead to this personality/psychological issue. It is also helpful to understand that narcissism may develop as a necessary coping mechanism during childhood trauma but becomes damaging, particularly to others in adulthood around middle age.


At the time of writing I have insufficient data points to understand whether the personal shadow work that I have engaged in is sufficient to hold the healing space for narcissists to heal. In this regard, I also defer to higher authorities in the field, both psychologists and other healers who will readily admit the difficulties presented by this pathology. (See for example Melanie Evans' work: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-would-it-take-for-a-narcissist-to-heal). However, my hunch is that if certain conditions are satisfied, the regular course of a healing session using Metta Code Healing and other healing tools, may go some way to assisting these individuals.


If you are thinking of booking a session to heal from narcissism, here are the conditions, all or some of which may apply to you, which need to be satisfied before we can begin our work. I provide free email consultations to help you understand what will be required from you at the inception:


1. Genuine willingness and readiness to heal. In general I am savvy to when the energy of the client's trauma will itself sabotage the healer-client relationship and thereby the healing. Sometimes it is less easy to figure out whether the client themself is perpetuating the energy of that sabotage and parlaying it into everything that may help, because of a perception that it will expose their underlying shame and/or make them feel inadequate. Often this is so automatic for a narcissist that it may not even be conscious. The benefit of using an energetic modality and the body's intuition is that we can often tap into the subconscious and unconscious minds to establish beforehand whether the modality can help. In my case, I sense a diminishing of life force energy in my lower back/kidneys which is often a warning sign that I am not strong enough to remain in my metaphysical and personal power during the healing session with a particular client. I also have a few different reference points within my healing protocol to establish whether this precondition is present;


2. Honesty: Sometimes narcissism is accompanied by pathological lying. or an unwillingness to take responsibility for harm that is being or has been perpetrated. Obviously, where this is present, I will not be able to assist;


3. Boundary with current narcissistic abuser: Often the narcissist is a current victim of narcissistic abuse from a parent or another person. If this is the case, a no-contact boundary will need to be set before we can proceed with our healing. Usually, I am able to determine this in our first session during which we will also address any conditioning causing difficulty in setting this boundary.


Energetically Resetting The Healing Space and the Healer


As metaphysical healers we must ensure throughout any healing session that our centers of energy transmission and our intuitive detection tools are not being compromised. Engaging in our own shadow work can help to ensure this is the case. Sometimes it will not be possible to help individuals in whose presence, these centers collapse, often through no conscious fault of their own. I am particularly sensitive to this when working with people suffering from narcissism and do my best to ensure the best healing outcomes possible. I am happy to discuss with other healers, the different areas that we need to consciously cleanse sometimes during, and certainly after a healing session. Often general clearances and grounding are inadequate because the narcissist unconsciously replicates fragmenting energy requiring specific identification and release.


The Energetic Wounding of the Narcissist


In a future post, I will address the energetic pathology of narcissism that the victims of narcissistic abuse experience and the bodily signs relevant to each chakra center that provide clues of this type of abuse. Here, I note briefly the six levels of energetic/psychological wounding that the narcissist themself labors under and which constitutes part of the inquiry in a healing session:


1. The energy of the traumatic occurrences themselves, usually in childhood;


2. The offending energy of the perpetrator (distinct from the trauma itself). This includes but is not limited to the energetic pathology of the perpetrator's narcissism and any part of the perpetrator's energy and/or soul that splits off in their victims often to ensure control of the victim and life-long trauma bonding;


3. The energetic patterns of their mental health conditions caused by the trauma (some of which, including the independently developed narcissism are coping mechanisms themselves but in abuse situations they can include obsessive compulsive disorder and dissociative identity disorder amongst others );


4. The energetic patterns of any other absorbed mental health conditions from the perpetrator;


5. The energy of any harm they may have perpetrated (offender energy);


6. The trauma of any continuing narcissistic abuse that they are currently experiencing eg from a parent.


No Individual Left Behind


Healing from underlying trauma is our birthright and the narcissist, themself usually a victim of severe trauma (and traditionally thought to be treatable but not curable), should not be excluded from the possibility of complete healing and wholeness.


The COVID pandemic has made clear to me the absolute necessity of prioritizing this work with a steadfast commitment and perseverance. Many of us have witnessed first-hand our inability to be completely supportive of each other in this challenging time, or worse, that our most damaging tendencies are more readily surfacing to hurt others, because of our own psychological wounding and need for healing.


In almost every government policy initiative we should be seeking ways to maximize our ability to heal trauma by ensuring that basic needs are fully met so that individuals have the time and resources to provide themselves with emotional care and seek out resources to release and/or integrate trauma. Our collective survival is wholly dependent on our individual and collective healing and in particular the healing of the narcissistic personality whose tendency might otherwise be to thwart the individual, societal, and collective human family healing efforts of others. I am hopeful that with continued scientific study like this recent one, as well as probing, discerning and energetically powerful modalities like my own, we will be able to effectively reach and heal everyone who is willing.


Please note that if you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, I am also able to help, perhaps more readily. You are a generator of love and light which you are completely deserving of in return but the power of your presence is likely not being received at all by your narcissist parent, partner, boss, or friend. Please do not delude yourself that you can heal them from a place of disempowerment or that they will seek and receive the healing that they require. Please contact me: romakessaram@gmail.com if you think I can assist your healing journey.


Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or medical professional of any type. The views expressed herein are not intended to convey psychological or medical advice or diagnose any psychological or medical condition. Please consult your psychological and/or medical professional for assistance in this regard.


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